ï~~.5t parosusacaian i i may sem, it uas een nacovered that the. Clown Quince tisa lemon.
The suffrage bill was defeated, but still we have
f: ew old women like Senator Lodge in Congress.
Sotdiers are troubled by cooties, and Wilson has
hits little annoyances in things like Senator Lodge.
Sinks can't speak German, but somehow or other
they 'conveyed the idea to the Runs that they wanted
'ets to get out of the Argonne forest.
Also, when a fellow phones 1 home that he has
some night-work to do at the of fice, the honeymon has reached the end of its tether.
The Problem of the Sick Child.
The process of making the world safe for dernmoeracy heed conflict in no way with any State or
National plan to make America -safe for sick and
dliseased folk who cannot help thesnselves. Any
service that we omay render the stricken European
races in the form of soldiers or foods or munitions
cun be rendered vith a bettergrace. more heartull more conelstently, if we were but esture' that
urking ' diseases did hot.prey on the helpless in the
midst of a soclety abundantly able to minister to
nd heal. the suffering.
Until sanctuaries and sanatoriums are provided
for all who Iack, for all who, under the grinding
teeth of sickness and poverty, have:no means to
alleviate their distress, our democracy must be recarded as largely theoretical. Democracy must not
be merey.somethng that shall stride across seas
and rescue populations from the maw of beasts. It
must be also a gracious and gentle influence passing
through the alleys and hovels of Poverty, cleansing
an: ministering and pointing to the light of health.
Through its news columns The News Welfare Department is endeavoring, at this moment, to serve
the Children's Hospital. That hospital is saving
Iives, feeding the hungry, turning emaciated cheeks
into playgrounds for dimples and roses. THE CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL HAS BUT FEW PAY PATIENTS, BUT IT NEVER TURNS AWAY ANY
HILD WHILE THERE IS ROOM,
Daylight Was Worth Saving.,
Father Time will take a backward step, sixty
minutes in length, at 2 o'clock Sunday morning, to
make up for the forward step last March when the
daylight saving law went into effect.
By use of some sort of divine measuring rod anid
with scales which the laity must take for granted,.
the Government estimates that 1,500,000 tons of coal
have been saved and that the lighting bhills of the
nation have been reduced some $40,000,000 worth by
railway men who are thinking of their own dlvi- Soldiers Can Buay Insurance Any Time.
dends day after tomorrow, but upon whom Director' "it will be Interesting to everybody is Bir
han, comparatively, to know that a soldier cat
M cAdoo has leaned to'carry out his expressed will insurance at any time for the full amount el
in making this development posthastey Are there by the Government under the soldiers' insu
such men who would delay and make excuses, weex laws," said Victor Gooch, insurance salesns
after week and month after month--dishonest and the Equitable. Was recen tlyt bold that a
believing be was on Iie death bed had asked t
unfaithful servants-the while they pull the woof policy of $10,000 be issued to him. I under
over the eyes of their chief' it was issued, that there is nothing to keep s
I.soldier from taking out a policy ecause no m
Roosevelt es and Swears: ixamination is required. Every man in the ar
Rosevelt.Carps and Swears:,supposed a to be a good risk or he would not
Things Do Not Happe n Fast Enough. been accepted by the doctors. My infor.nt!
the alck soldier who took out the insurance
Of course Mr. Roosevelt shall say something! In- the next day and his best girl geta $10.000 1
deed it is high time for him to leap into print. But foresight."
whie he gives Messrs. Lodge, Poindexter and THarry Lauder Called to the Colors.
Johnson to understand that he objects most strenu- "Those persons who think that, England i
ously to the Presidents fourteen points, he must be doing herifull share in the war will be rudely
regarded, not as a thinker. not even as one who 'ened when they learn that Harry Lauder, tl
can see below the surface ofa the European disaster,' mot s comedian a ndjeturer, has been cbied
but rather- as a petulant lad whose -heart Is per- colors by the Egtsh Gcountrymhaggleds" aid henry
lox: "',Thile this, country haggled, about
fectly healthy and sound but whose reasoning is baseball players in Class 1, England has called
undeveloped. nriedt men without making the least noIse ab
To begin with, President Wilson is President of The only trouble with the English is tiat th
h dtates sod no a free Once. And if he so darnedwstiff- and proper as the negroes s
the nitedtates and ot a free lance. And if he advertise what they are doing. This gives the
were a free lance ie would not be vociferous. And mantt propagandists a chance to say that Ei
if he were a private citizen. he would not even is not doing ai- ything but calling ohi her et
find it necessary to adapt invective to clothe his for help. If anybody,on earth has rstfe,
should be exempt by reason of their w.r wor
thoughts. The President is not a vulgarian, nor a Harry Lauder,"
poseur, nor does he let his words run away with " "'
lim. He is balanced. Mr. Roosevelt is not bal- The Wonders $15 Will Buy.
anted. Mr. Roosevelt is not President, but a citizen "Talk about.-Wonders, but I have just ii
of Oyster Bay. reading a iote popular magazine and of to
of Oater Ba. read all the advertisements too,."said N. F. Or
"Let us dictate peace by the hammering of guns "I am told by the ads that for $5 I can
and not chat about peace to the accompaniment of course that will improve my memory so that
the clicking of typewriters," urges the Mloose in command ad 10,0jienIn says ioh or [ so.. F
on another advertisement says thsat -I I will
Ithat vigorous, colorful way. He talks precisely as course in shorthand I can earn $20,000 In five
if an armilstice had beendecarean-as. err-Ii ith--mn _o _--..i.
cans wers not playing definite and continued hell by exerting my will power I.can earn anadd
with the enemy every hour in every day. Perhaps $20,000 in no time at all. I have decided to
$15 from my banker on the strength of
not even this "virile American, this typical Amern- these courses and I am sure when I read t
can" could make the guns hammer more power- to 'him and tell him what I am going to
fully and effectively, nor could this noiseful repre- will let me have all the smoney I want.
sentative, without great mental and physical ex-.
haustion. assemble In one document-more dynamite Not Quite All the Real Irish in America
than is contained in the last words of the Presi- " A friend of mine who has just returned frc
dent of the United States to the German Govern- land," said F. S. McGilliland. tells rme that
ment. tea! Irish haye long since come to the United
" and that those few whso'reroanod on the E
The President of the TUnited States Is not Pres- Isle are so full of hatred for England the
dent of the World. The President of the United cannot reason properly. This is not tuite tr
States-isn t krogant grid -sTgar i0-ughi-arrsr-=-taruehtherea.meaure _of truth in ItI.... lroghTifigaiogh ar in a London Timesmthi aWeek- where 20--i- 0-0/
gate to himself the responsibility for tuttering the men h a London Times their unwillingneess to ace
thoughts that can only be uttered by the peoples peace from Germany shabort of unconditional
whose lands have been invaded, and in "passing der.. The Irish who are opposed to the war
the buck" to-our Allies and watching the explosion soaked in religious bigotry that they let their
thebuk"Osou - do their thinking for them. Esngiand ' dmi
in the minds of our European partners, insteAd of dl treatment of Ireland in former years byi
swearing and bellowing as the Moose chooses to do, up for it now when the world wonders- why sh
ti very purpose that he hasi in mind is maws wade in and execute a few thousand of th
treson'udoubly sure. asa
t1e addition of ast sour of ay gt to hetitiame avn;- -cs- to s a etcrsd[fsct, broac, s -
ble for outdoor life, including war gardens; to sa.,j attitude of the Moose and hie Commander-in-Chief
nothing of a mairked diminution of industrial and an s te is between the crude hammer blows oft
traffic accidents during that peak period of human the nineteenth' century blacksmith and the electric
fatigue and fallibility in the late afternoon. drill of the twentieth. The electric drill accomplishees
Tht all sounds pretty good. It's awfully nice to infinitely more without such a vast expenditure of
count-one's gains after the thing is put over, But effort.
it's equally nice to know that we may take an Let Mr. Roosevelt hbt allow the cltklng of typeextra hour of sleep on Sunday night and go back to writers to bedevil him. Perhaps it Is merely the
the old time schedule with satisfaction. And then, sound of the drill that he hears. Let him instead
after the novelty and gladness shall have worn off, read the news of the fighting at Armageddon and
we may look forvrd to the resumption of daylight hear the voice of the nations blended in one stern
saving by putting the clock an hour ahead next demand for bUnconditional Surrender,
So decisive have bees the advantages accruing Chicago man charged In court that his wife bought
frnm the daylight saving experiment that it has too much -soap to bathe the baby. Probably cut
proved its title to permanence in peace as well as down his fund for "suds."
'in war;[ = -.
J n _w_&r.When aman tthrows so many "box cars" in a
Another Influenza Intefference. dice game, he can't understand why there is a
It is most unfortunate that postponement of the freight congestion.
I - lli it it That BuH r~Hm
"In the Zion Lutheran League, the young
have adopted a systematic plan to make a
the thirteen young men who have already
their country's service from this league heo
their friends at least once a week," staid lisa
garet Carau. "One of the young ladies of the
is designated each week to write sletter
one of the soya who belonged to the leadressed to their respective camp or to the A
-'over there.' In that manner, even thougl
own relatives ohould sometimes for any reas
to write them. the boys are kept in touch "w
Sdoings of their friends and the happenings
their old associates,, Avid by the way, a out
the boys Insisat on having, The Birminghan
sent to them, and according to that some a
write, there is a regular scramble for the
every time it makes its appearance in their
Humans Vearn For Prophets.
"I was downright sorry when Alabama
stopped his life of the Clown Quince," said
Thomas. "I read as much current-literature
salary -ill permit and of course knew ju
was meant andwi hit--was Intended to -suit
is a strange thing that.every writer of an
after the fact- has happened -will- try. to.
some character who prophesied it. I once i
spiritualist say-that Jesus Christ or som
person claiming to bethe Christ would c
earth sometime-or othdr because so many
tiosis had beeninstill|d into the brain of th
age human that the Christ was to appeart
aend time. There is a..hunger in every humsar
to flnd someone who'knows_:the ' futtre and
this grows all sorts of incidents alleged to t
warnings and predictions, most of which
half' an truthful ast th writer of the men
the Clown Quince,"
Why.he Germanss Are Called Blond Bea
"The Bible says out Of their mouths'y
convict them," said N. L. Blalock. "And it"
than pasting strange thu evgry naume and at
fth Annual Meeting of the Southern edical Astion has been found necessary because of the
enza epidemic. It is almost incongruous - henr
come to think about it, that a society whose sole
ai for existence is to exalt the medical profeoand prolong human life by keeping it in health,
Sforego the benefit o gathtering together at
very moment-when its deliberatlons are most
ed The same disappointment.wat felt with
ence to the Southern Anti-Tuberculosls Assoon when that important gathering was deferred,
reweeka ago until some later date. But the
itlst say that influenza is a crowd disease,. and
even the gathering together of scielitists is a
t one other reason for"ipstponement of the
ca aoeiation is given by the doctors, indeed,
timportant reason: The doctors are very busy
nwadays. More tjan thirty thousand medical
ti ners. are with the colors. -Upon the shoulders
oe 'aftincivil 'life,must beborne:the burden
erlo" for' the influenza victims. For thsmt. as
ttfier war work ir~ te nearest task seems to
Ao toat Implorta. Nodoubt it Is-better- foot
to watch b beIeidea arid, asdmnster o' ste.
Austrian prisoners kicked aboutbeing hb I'it
the Huns. Merely a case of the potcalling the
kettle a brunette.
Any woman will tell yout that aspirin tablets and
hubby's lies are the most difficult things-in theworld to swallow. " - " - "
The honeymoon Is over when he beglis kicking
because he is allowed but one drawer in the bureau
fo his clothes.
While Mother is reading "Revelations of a Wife,"
Father likes to read "Fluctuations of the Stock
Sipce straps are taboo on coats, the only way for
a manw to "wear a Norfolk jacket is to Join te
Navy., - '
Movie nuts feel confident that the war would
have been over long ago had Bill Hart entered the
him than he manages to get out of his rich klin--
-T!e Zi ssi's se,-e nwIlsoon be s perau.sd