The Scotch Presbyterian eloquence, or, The foolishness of their teaching discovered from their books, sermons and prayers and some remarks on Mr. Rule's late Vindication of the kirk

SECT. III.

Containing Notes of the Presbyterian Sermons taken in Writing from their Mouths.

AT first I begin with one I heard from Zetland, who Preaching on David and Goliah, he told the Hearers, Sirs, this David was but a little manekine like my beddle Davie Gaddies there but Goliah was a meckle strong fellow, like the Laird of Quandal there; this David gets a Scrippie and Baggie, that is, a Sling and a Stone in it; he slings a Stone into Goliah' s Face, down falls Goliah and David above him: After that David was made a King; he that was keeping Sheep before, in truth he came very well too, Sirs: Well said, Davie, see what comes of it, Sirs; after that he commits Adultery with Uriah: Nay, (said the bed∣dal Davie Gaddies) it was but with Uriah' s Wife, Sir. In Faith, thou art right, it was Uriah's Wife, indeed man; said Mr. John.

One Ker at his entring into a Church at Teviotdale, told the People the Relation that was to be between him and them in these following words:

Sirs, I am coming home to be your Shepherd, and you must be my Sheep, and the Bible will be my Tar-bottle, for I will mark you with it; (and laying his Hand on the Clark or Precentor's Head) he saith, Andrew, you shall be my Dog: The sorrow a bit of your Dog will I be, said Andrew. O Andrew, I speak mystically, said the Preacher: Yea, but you speak mischievously, said And••ew.

Mr. William Guthry preaching on Peter' s Confidence, said, Peter, Sirs, was as Stalliard a Fellow as ever had cold Iron at his Arse, and yet a Hussie with a Rock feared him.

Another preaching against Drunkenness, told the Hearers, There were four sorts of Drunkenness▪ 1.

To be drunk like a Sow, tumb∣ling in the Mire like many of this Parish. 2. There is to be drunk like a Dog; the Dog fills the Stomach of him, and spues all out again, and thou John Jamison was this way drunk the other day. 3. There is to be drunk like a Goose: Of all Drunk∣enness, Sirs, beware of the Drunkenness of the Goose, for it never rests, but constantly dips the Gobb of it in the Water: You are all drunk this way, Sirs, I need name none of you. 4. There is to be drunk like a Sheep; the silly Sheep seldom or ne∣ver drinks, but sometimes wets the Mouth of it in the Water, and

rises up as well as ever; and I my self use to be, drunk this way, Sirs. But now, I see (said he) two Gentlemen in the Kirk, and Gentle∣men, you are both Strangers to me, but I must vindicate my self at your hands; I have here the cursedest Parish that ever God put Breath in, for all my preaching against Drunkenness, they will go into a Change-house after Sermon, and the first thing they'll get, is a meckle cup full of hot Ale, and they will say, I wish we had the Minister in the midst of it: Now, Gentlemen, judge ye how I am rewarded for my good Preaching.

After Sermon the Clerk gives him up, the name of a Fornicatrix, whose name was Ann▪ Cantly; Here is (saith he) one upon the Stool of Repentance, they call her Cantly, she saith her self she is an honest Woman, but I trow Scantly.

Mr. John Levingstone in Ancrum, once giving the Sacrament of the Lord's Supper, said to his Hearers, Now, Sirs, you may take Christ piping hot; and finding a Woman longsome in taking the Bread out of his Hand, he says, Woman, if you take not Christ, take the meikle Devil then.

One John Simple, a very Zealous Preacher among them, used to personate and act Sermons in the old Monkish Stile spoken of Sect. 1. § 16. At a certain time he preached upon that Debate, Whether a Man▪ be Justified by Faith or by Works, and acted it after this manner,

Sirs, this is a very great Debate, but who is that looking in at the Door, with his red Cap? follow your look, Sir; it is very ill manners to be looking in, but what's your name? Ro∣bert Bellarmine: Bellarmine, saith he, Whether is a man justified by Faith or by Works? He is justified by Works: Stand thou there man. But what is he, that honest-like-man standing in the Floor with the long Beard, and Geneva Coul? a very honest-like-man, draw near; What's your name, Sir? My name is John Calvin▪ Calvin, honest Calvin, Whether is a man justified by Faith or by Works? He is justified by Faith. Very well John, thy Leg to my Leg and we shall hough down Bellarmine even now.

Another time Preaching on the day of Judgment, he told them,

Sirs, this will be a terrible day, we'll all be there, and in the throng I John Simple will be, and all of you will stand at my back; Christ will look to me, and he will say, Who is that standing there? I'll say again, yea even as ye ken'd not Lord: he'll say, I know thou's honest John Simple; draw near, John; now John, what good service have you done to me on Earth? I have brought hither a company of Blew Bonnets for you, Lord: Blew Bonnets, John, what is become of the brave Hats, the Silks, and the Satins, John? I'll

tell, I know no Lord, they went a Gate of their own: Well, honest John, thou and thy blew Bonnets are welcome to me, come to my right hand, and let the Devil take the Hats, the Silks, and the Sattins.

This John was ordinarily called Fitch-cape and Claw-poll, because in the time of Preaching or Praying he used to claw his Head, and rub his Callet. At a certain time he was called to preach in a Neighbouring Church, and his Preface was in these words:

Sirs, I know what you will be saying among your selves the day, ye will say, Here is Fitch-cape come to preach to us the day; but as the Lord lives, I had a great deal of do e're I could come to you, for by the way I met the Devil, he said to me, What now Fitch••cape, whither are you going? I am going, said I, to preach to the People of God. People of God! said the foul thief, they are my People. They are not yours, thou soul thief, said I. They are mine, Claw-poll, said he again to me: so the foul thief and I tugg'd, rugg'd, and riv'd at one another, and at last I got you out of his Clooks: Now here is the good that Fitch-cape hath done to you; now that ye may be kept out of his Gripes, let us pray.

Another, Lecturing on the first of Job, said, Sirs, I will tell you this Story very plainly.

The Devil comes to God one day, God said, What now Deel, thou foul thief, whither are you going? I am going up and down now, Lord you have put me away from you now, I must even do for my self now. Well, well, Deel (says God) all the▪ World kens that it is your fault; but do not you know that I have an honest Servant they▪ call Job? is not he an honest Man, Deel? Sorrow to his thank, says the Deel, you make his Cup stand full even, you make his Pot play well, but give him a cuff, I'll hazard he'll be as ill as I am called. Go, Deel (says God) I'll yoke his Honesty with you: Fell his Cows, worry his Sheep, do all mis∣chief ye can, but for the very Saul of you, touch not a hair of his Tail.

Mr. Robert Blair, that famous Presbyterian Preacher at St. Andrews, was very much thought of for his familiar way of Preaching. He preached often against the observation of Christmass; and once in this Scotch jingle; You will say, Sirs, Good old Youle-day; I'll tell you, Good old Fool-day: You will say It is a brave Haly-day; I tell you, it is a brave Belly-day; you will say, these are bonny Formalities; but I tell you, they are bonny Fartalities.

Another enveighing against the Vanity and Gaddiness of Women, spake thus; Behold the Vanity of Women, look to them, you'll see, first a Sattin Peticoat; lift that, there is a Tabby Petticoat; lift that, there

is a Flanning Petticoat; lift that, there is a Holland† Smarck; lift that and there you will see what they ought not to be proud of, that's no very cleanly spectacle; Eve (said he) was never so vain, she sought no cove∣ring but Fig-leaves.

Mr. Simple (whom I named before) told, That Samson was the greatest fool that ever was born, for he revealed his Secrets to a Daft hussie. Samson, you may well call him Fool Thomson, for of all the John Thomson's men that ever was, he was the foolest.

I have a Sermon of theirs, written from the Preachers Mouth by one of their own Zealots, whereof this is one passage,

Jacob be∣gan to wrestle with God, an able hand forsooth; I Sirs, but he had a good Second, that was Faith; Faith and God gave two or three tousles together; at last God Dings down Faith on its bottom; Faith gets up to his Heels, and says, Well, God, is this your Promise to me? I trow I have a Ticket in my Pocket here; Faith brings out the Ticket, and stops it in God's hand, and said, Now God! is not this your own Write? deny your own Hand-write if you dare? Are these the Promises? you gave me? Look how you guide me when I come to you. God reads the Ticket, and said, Well, well, Faith, I remember I gave you such a Promise, good sooth Faith, if you had been another, thou should get all the Bones in thy Skin broken.

Mr. John Welsh, a Man of great esteem among their Vulgar, once preaching on these words of Joshua, As for me and my House we will serve the Lord, &c. had this Preface:

You think, Sirs, that I am come here to preach the old jock∣trot Faith and Repentance to you; not I, indeed: what think you then I am come to preach? I come to preach a bro∣ken Covenant, Who brake it? Even the Devils Lairds, his Bi∣shops and his Curates; and the Deel, Deel, will get them all at last: I know some of you are come out of Curiosity to hear what the Whigs will say. Who is a Whig, Sirs? One that will not Swear, nor Curse, nor Bann, there a Whig to you: But you are welcome, Sirs, that come out of Curiosity; you may get go e're ye good back again. I'll give you an Instance of it, There was Zaccheus, a Man of a low stature; that is, a little droichy body, and a Publican; that is, he was one of the Excise-men; he went out of Curiosity to see Christ, and because he was little, he went up a Tree: Do you think, Sirs, he went to harry a Pyet's Nest? No, he went to see Christ; Christ looks up, and says, Zaccheus, thou'rt always proving pratticks, thou'rt no Bairn

now; go home, go home, and make ready my Dinner; I'll be with you this day at Noon. After that, Sirs, this little Zac∣cheus began to say his Prayers Evening and Morning, as honest old Joshua did in my Text: As for me and my House, &c. as if he had said, Go you to the Devil and you will, and I and my House will say our Prayers, Sirs, as Zaccheus and the rest of the Apostles did.

Another time preaching in East Lotham, he told them the great danger of hearing the Curates, in these words;

Sirs, if ever you hear these Rogues, you will cry out at the day of Judgment, O Arthur-seat fall upon us, O Pentland. Hills fall upon us: The Grass and the Corn that you see growing there, will be a Wit∣ness against you; yea, and that Cows Horns Passing by, will be a Wit∣ness against you.

Another Preaching about God's sending Jonah to Nineveh, acted it thus, did you never hear tell of a good God, and a cappet Prophet, Sirs? The good God said, Jonah, now billy Jonah, wilt thou go to Nineveh for† ald lang syne; The Deel be on my feet then said Jonah: O Jonah said the good God, be not ill natured, they are my people. What care I for you or your people either, said the cappet Prophet; wherefore shall I go to be made a lyar in my face, I know thou will have mercy on that people: Alas, alas, we† bide not the tenth part of that bidding; yet when we come to you, I fear we'l find you like Ephraim, a Cake unturn'd, that is, it's stonehard on one side, and‖ skitter-raw on the other.

Another Preaching in the West, near a Mountain called Tineock, cried out in a loud voice thus, What think you, Sirs, would the Curates do with Christ if they had him? they would e'en take him up to Tintock top, cut off his head, and hurle his head down the hill, and laugh at it.

Another in the South of Teviotdale in his Sermon said, Our Neighbour Nation will say of us, poor Scotland, beggarly Scotland, scabbed Scotland, lousie Scotland, yea, but Covenanted Scotland, that makes amends for all.

One Preaching against Bishops, expressed himself thus, Sirs, at the day of Judgment Christ will call the Prelates, and he will call one of the falsest Knaves first, and say, Come hither, Sirrah, he will not call my Lord, do you remember how you put out† sike a sweet Saint of mine upon such and such a day? Sirrah, do you mind how you persecu∣ted one of my precious Saints that was Preaching my Word: Come, come, Sirrah, stand there at my left hand▪ thou and the Devil shall together even now.

There is nothing more ordinary among the Generality of their Preachers, than to tell that Christ did not set his foot in Scotland this eight and twenty years; or this, I brought a stranger to you now, and a very great stranger indeed, this many a year; would you know who it is; it is Christ, Sirs,† hadd him fast then, for if once he get out of Scotland again, it's like he'l never return.

It is very well known in Perthshire, that one of their Rabbies Preaching a•• St. Johnstone, or thereabout, a little before the Battel of Killich ankie, upon these words, Resist the Devil and he will slie from you; he begins very gravely after this manner, (Humph) my beloved, you are all here the day even for the fashions cause, but wo•• ye who is amongst you the day? even the meikle horned Devil, tho you cannot see him, yet I do: I see him, Sirs, by the eye of faith; but you'l say, now that we have him here, what shall we do with him, Sirs, (Humph) what way will ye destroy him, some of you will say we will hang him; ha, ha, my beloved, there are not so many tows in all the Parish as hung him; besides, he's as light as a feather. What then will ye do with him? for he will not hang. Then some of you will say, we will drown him. (Humph) my beloved, there is too much cork in his Arse, he's as souple as an Eel, he will not sink. O∣thers of you will say we will burn him, Na, na, Sirs, ye may scald your selves, but ye cannot burn him, for all the fire in Hell could never yet singe a hair on his tail. Now, Sirs, you cannot find a way a∣mong you all to kill him, but I will find it; what way will this be, Sirs? we shall even shoot him. Wherewith shall we shoot him? We shall shoot him with the Bible. Now, Sirs, I shall shoot him presently, so (presenting the Bible as Soldiers do their Musquet) he crys out, Touff, Touff, Touff. Now he is shot, there lies the foul thief as dead as a Haron.

Some Eye-witnesses report of another that was to give the Sacra∣ment of the Lord's Supper, such as they can give, and having got into the Pulpit, he looks about him, and says, Sirs, I miss somebody here to day, I miss Christ here the day, but he promised to be here the day, I think he will be as good as his word: however I will go out and see if he be coming; he at this went out of the Pulpit; and staying out some little time, he comes in and tells them, Now, Sirs, Christ is coming, I saw him on his white Horse coming to you: Now what entertainment will you give him? I will tell you, Sirs, Will ye get among you all but† one Pint of Faith, a Gill of Grace, and a Mutchkine of Sanctification, and this will make a good morning draught for him.

In the Mers there was a Communion given lately, and as it is or∣dinary, there is a Discourse for every Table, one of the Preachers that's most cried up for his Eloquence, said, You that are Wives ye will be saying ordinarily when ye meet, Cummer, have ye spun your Yarn yet? But alas, I fear there are few of you that have spun a Wedding-garment for Christ the day. But Christ will be among you and see who is his well busked Bride, he'l say to them that have not on their Wedding-garment. Is that nasty Slut there my Bride? shame and lack fall that Bride: Go nasty Slut,† sway'd away to Hell.

It is ordinary among some Plebeians in the South of Scotland, to go about from door to door upon New-years Eve, crying Hagmane, a corrupted word from the Greek 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉, which signifies the Holy Month. John Dickson holding forth against this Custom once in a Sermon at Kelso, says, Sirs, do ye know what Hagmane signifies? It is the Devil be in the house; that's the meaning of its Hebrew Original.

Another time he told his Hearers what an Idolatrous Church the English Church is, for lay two Eggs in a Dish, and the one is not so like the other, as the Church of Rome and the Church of England are to one another.

I know a Minister that went purposely to hear this man, and de∣clared upon his real truth, that he held out a nonsensick rhapsody for an hour and an half time on the third of Matth. This is my belo∣ved▪ Son in whom I am well pleased: All the Graces of the Spirit (said he) are mysterious, faith is a mystery, there is a faith that is not saving, but that's no mystery; I believe if I should ask any of you whether or no ye be∣lieve the words that I read to you, you will all say (Humf) we all believe that▪ Sirs, the Devil does more, and yet he is not saved, nor like to be in haste. This is a passage of our Saviour's Transmigration, Sirs, (says he) It tells how our blessed Saviour was reform'd like an Angel of Light, when his Disciples saw that Glorious sight, they were all like a Country man that had never tasted outlandish wine before, the wine runs up into his head, and makes him dizzie; so the Disciples were dizzie, the 17. v. They knew not what they said▪t that is they were dizzie. From the words we learn this note of Doctrine, That Christ he is lovely, O he is lovely, O he is lovely. First as he is the Son of God, 8. Prov. v. 15. By me Kings reign and princes decree justice: That is lovely Christ hath authority over all the Kings of the world: The Great Turk can do nothing without him. The meikle Deel and the black Pape can do nothing without him. There were a pack of Deels limbs a year or two ago here, and they thought forsooth all

would be their own, and now lovely Christ in his Providential Providence is like to disappoint them all, and who kens but they'l come begging Pease and Pottage at ours doors yet.

Christ is lovely as he is Mediator, cut him all in pieces from head to foot, every bit of him is lovely. They'l tell you now the young Prince is ba∣nished Britain, but I'le tell you of a young Prince that has been banished Britain these 28 years by the incoming of the perjur'd Prelates and drun∣ken Curates; lovely Christ is that young Prince, and now he is like to come back again to get his Crown: O take him now, now when he is coming with a whip in his hand to scourge out the cursed Curates, &c. This was preached in the Parish of Smallum in Teviotdale, and the effect of this Preaching followed the next Sabbath, for the rabble came and pulled the Minister out of his Pulpit in the time of his Sermon.

One Mr. Thomas Ramsay in Mordington within the Shire of Berwick said in a Sermon upon the foolishness of Preaching, these words: There are two sorts of Preaching, Sirs, there's a Gentlemanny Preaching and a common manny Preaching; for Gentlemanny Preaching they'l feed you up with peny whistles, or Nigg-nayes-bonny wallies: At which he perceived one of the Commons laugh. He points out to him, and said, Man, do not that think to gull one of God's Ministres that way, lift up your Bonnet off your face, think no shame of your shape.

I tell you, Sirs, there is gentlemany Preaching and commonmany Preaching. I will give you commonmany Preaching, Sirs, I will give yon milk••pottage, and this will make you bony fat and lusty in your journey to heaven. Ye † ken Sirs, ye ken, to my great grief, I may say ye ken no: But I tell you there is Gentlemany preaching, and a commonmany preaching. There are three sorts of men that despise commonmany preaching, first the Politician. 2. The Gallant. 3. The Ignorant man.

First, for the Politician he will go twenty miles to hear a Gentlemanny preaching, what cares he for commonmany preaching? 2ly, for the Gal∣lant give him a glass of wine to drink, and give him a Lady to kiss, and what cares he for preaching? 3ly, For the ignorant man give him a‡ cog∣full of † Brose to his belly, and a pair of Brecks to his arse, what cares he for preaching. A little thereafter he saw a little child looking to and fro, he said, Sit still little Rogue, else I'le cut a lug out of your head, Sirrah. O the glorious days of the Gospel, the very† wie-ones, were then so serious that they would rugg Christ out of my heart, but now they are all baudy faced, they look as if the Curates and their Mothers were† over great.

This was written from his own mouth, by a person that is ready▪ to declare the verity of it, were he to die just after.

Mr. John Veach in Wool struthers in a Nonsensical and incoherent Discourse, at the opening up of a Presbyterian Synod at Jedburgh, said,

That one duty of Ministers was not to preach close and neat Dis∣courses; his reason was this, Men use not to bring the Spits and the Racs to the Table,

when they bring the meat to it.

There are many in Edinburgh who heard Mr. James Kirkton in a Sermon concerning Joseph and Mary, say,

The first night,

saith he,

that they met together, he laid his hand on her belly, and found her with† Bairn▪ The honest man turn'd very angry, and would have put her away, as any of us all would have done, had we met with the like; and who is it that ever would suspect that the Holy Ghost should have another man's wife?

Another time he told his Hearers,

That they might make a Les∣son out of every thing that occurred to sense; you may, faith he, get a good Lesson out of a Goose-turd, for it is black at the bot∣tom, green in the middle, and white at the top: The blackness at the bottom let's us see the blackness of Hell; the greenness in the middle lets us see the vanity of the world; and the whiteness in the top lets us see the joys of Heaven: And this good Lesson (Sirs) ye will find in a good turd. Now, Sirs, I would have you pray to him that sits upon the white-end to keep you from a black end.

One Mr. John▪ Hepburn, Lecturing on the second Psalm, told,

Tha•• there was a Dialogue betwixt the Father and the Son in Heaven, the Son said, Father will you give me my portion now? Your por∣tion, Son, said the Father, indeed shall you; thou hast been a duti∣ful Son to me, thou never angered me in thy days; What portion will you have, Son? Will you give me poor Scotland, saith the Son? Scotland, said the Father, truly thou shalt get poor Scotland. And he proved that it was Scotland he sought, from the 8▪ ver. I shall give thee the outmost parts of the earth for a possession▪ Now, Sirs, Scotland is the outmost part of the earth, and therefore it was given to the Son for a Patrimony.

One Mr. Mosman in Newbotle, past this Complement upon himself in a Sermon,

All the world knows that I am a learned man, a ju∣dicious man, and a man that can clear the Scriptures well; but there are some in the Parish that have not such thoughts for me; as for them I pity them, for they must be very silly.

At that time he was preaching against taking God's name in vain, he told,

O Sirs, this is a very great sin, for my own part I rather steal all the horn∣ed † nout in the Parish, before I took God's name in vain once.

One Mr. Robert Steidman in Caridden, told once, that the people of

God had many doubts about their Election, for proof of this, see (says he) the 2. Cant. v. 16.

My beloved is mine, and I am his.

Another time he told,

That the best of God's Saints have a lit∣tle tincture of Atheism for a plain proof of this you, may see, says he,

Psal. 14▪ 1. The fool hath said in his heart that there is no God.

Another time he tells,

That Christ was not proud nor Lordly, for he rode upon an Ass, which is a† laigh beast, and wherefore think ye did he this? It was, Sirs, for the conveniency of the old Wives that followed him, that he might kuttle in the Gospel in their ears as he went along.

One Mr. Murray, marrying a couple, called the man, The Head, and the woman the Tail: In the name of God then, says he, I joyn Head and Tail together, Sirs, let no man ever separate them.

The same person preaching at Haddan, said, Christ is a great stranger to you these 28 years, but I have brought him to you the day, Sirs, and if ye will have him, I will take him with† horning and caption for you.

One Mr. Shields, preaching at Borthwick, said, Many had Religion the day, but would have none the morn, their Religion was soon gone like a womans virginity.

One Wedderburn, preaching in Irvin, said, Lord, we have over foul feet to come so far benn at Heaven, but yet as broken a Ship has come to land.

Mr. Rutherford preaching at Jedburgh, said, These 28 years the grass is grown long betwixt Jedburgh and Heaven.

Mr▪ William Stuart preaching lately in Forres upon these words, Our God is a consuming fire, said,

Sirs, I will explain these words in a very homely manner, There was a Godly man of my acquaintance, Sirs, he had a young Bairn that was dying, and he comes to him and said, Sandy, now my Cockie, believe in God now, for ye will not live long: No, no, said the Bairn, I will not believe in God, for God is a Boo, but I will believe in Christ, for he is sweet, Dady, and he is good. Now ye may by this see, Sirs, that God without Christ is a Boo.

Boo is a word that's used in the North of Scotland to frighten crying Children.

Mr. William Vetch preaching in Linton in Teviotdale, said,

Our Bishops thought they were very secure this long time:

Like Willie Willie Wastel, I am in my Castle, A the Dogs in the Town Dare not ding me down.

Yea but there is a doggie in Heaven that has dung them all down.

Another preaching of the Dialogue betwixt God and Adam af∣ter his Fall.

Adam (said he) went to hide himself, God comes to him, and said, where art thou, man? I am† courring here, Lord: I'le hazard twa and a plack, saith God, there is a† whap in the Kape Ede, has thou been at Barne-breaking Ede, come out of thy holes and thy bores here Ede.

Mr. James Kirkson told several times in his Sermons at Edenling,

That the Devil had his Kirk-Government as well as God, and would ye ken what a Government it is, indeed it is a Presbyterian Government, for he has his Minister and his Ruling Elder; his Minister is the Pope, and his Ruling-Elder is the King of France.

The same man once speaking of the Evils of the tongue, said,

Your tongues, Sirs, are as foul as a dog's tongue when he licks† Skitter, be∣fore God it's true:

But do not take this out of the House with you, Sirs.

Mr. Matthew Selkirk preaching against keeping of days, said,

They that keep † Yule-day, Sirs, deny that Christ came in the flesh, and are rank Jews; & they keep that day in commemoration of J. Caesar the chief of the Jews.

Mr. Hugh Kennedy Moderator of the General Assembly, being about to Christen a Child in the Colledg-Kirk, looked about him, and said,

Look Sirs, and see the Devil painted in that Bairns face, but we shall do the best we can to conjure him out. I shall shortly nail his lug to Christ's trone, till from a Calf he grow up to an Ox to draw in Christ's Plow.

Mr. Arskine in the Tron-Church, said, That the work of the Lord is

like to be ruin'd, for there are two sorts of people that have taken their hands from the work of the Lord. First, the Malignants that never laid their hands to it. 2ly, The Court-party: but you Lasses and Lads put your shoulders to that work, take a good lift of it, for it will not break your backs;

and ye can never use your backs in a better work.

One Mr. Robert Gourly preaching on the Woman of Canaan, how our

Saviour called her a Dog, told, Sirs, some of you may think that our Saviour spake very improperly, for he should have called her a Bitch; but to this I answer, a Dog is the Masculine or Feminine Gender, there is a He-dog and a She-dog. But you will ask why did he miscall the poor Woman, and call her a Dog? There are God's Dogs and the De∣vils Dogs,

she was God's Dog, not the Devil's Dog.

Mr. Sheilds in a Sermon at Aberdeen, told the people, the only way to hold

a fast† grip of Christ, was to entertain him with three Liquors in three sundry Bickers, you must have a pint of hope, three pints of, faith,

and nine pints of hot, hot, hot burning zeal.

One Mr. Strange preaching on Act, 2. 37, 38. before several Ladies of the best Quality of our Kingdom, They were pricked at their hearts, said,

Some of you are come hither the day to get a prick, I fear few of you have gotten a prick, but some of you may get a prick within a short time. And seeing some laugh, he said, Do not mistake me, Sirs, It is not a natural prick I mean, but a prick at the heart. I mean not the pricks of the flesh,

but the pricks of the spirit, the sweet prick of Conscience.

One Mr. James Wilson now in Kirkmeddon in Galloway, told,

That Faith had wonderful effects, For by faith Noah saw the deluge before it came. But I will tell you a far more wonderful effect of Faith than that, John the Baptist saw Christ through† twa wymbs, was not that a clear-ey'd little one,

〈…〉〈…〉

One Mr. Melvin being sent by the Presbytery to the Parish of Monzie in Struthern, to prepare the people by a Sermon for receiving a Presbyte∣rian Minister in the place of Mr. Drammond, a person of great Learning, who was deprived at the false suggestions of a Weaver in that Parish, (whom he saved from the Gibbet in King Charles 2d's time) the said Mr. Melvin Lecturing on this Text, Touch not mine Anointed, and do my Pro∣phets no harm, said, The Kings and the great folks, and the cursed Bishops, for sooth were seeking to destroy God's own people, but as sturk as they were, God is starker, and bad them bide back, bide back, (pointing with his finger) this is my folk, they are none of your folks, and so God keeped his own poor people, Sirs, except some few that were hanged; but Oh Sirs, it's a sweet, sweet denth to go off the Gallows to God for the holy Covenant. But for these cursed Bishops and Curates, Sirs, that were leading many poor souls to Hell this long time, Sirs, ye see they are now put out▪ they are put out, yea they are e'en trampled under our feet. This is attested by a person that then lived within two miles of the place, and heard him.

Mr. Areskine in the Trone-Church proposed in a Sermon, What is the new man? He made this learned Answer in a Melancholy long tone, It is the new man. Mr. Kirton lately in the Church he possesses at Edinburgh, began his Sermon thus, Devil tuke me soul and body. The people startling at the expression, he anticipates their wonder with this correction, You think, Sirs, this a strange word in the Pulpit, out you think nothing of it out of Pulpit; but what if the Devil should tuke many of you when ye utter such Language? Another time preaching against Cockupps, he told, I have been this year of God preaching against the vanity of Women, yet I see my own Daughter in the Kirk even now have as high a Cockupp as any of you all. An∣other time giving the Sacramens of the Lord's Supper in Crummond, at the breaking of the Bread, he told the Participants, Take, eat, Sirs, your Bread is baken. And that was all the form he used, as one of the Commu∣nicabsts told me the day after.

A Presbyterian Preacher in the Parish of Killpatrick Easter, above Glasgow, in whose Parish there is one Captain Sanderson, a Church of En∣gland man, who is looked on there by them as a rank Papist, he once went to Church to see their way. The Preacher seeing him in Church, took a† Fourteen our of his Pocket, and held it up before the Congregation, expressing these words, Here I take instrument in the hand of God, that tho a man be pardoned of all his original and actual sins, yet if he neglect to 〈◊〉〈◊〉 our Fasts he shall never go to Heaven. The Preacher owns what he said and did. And the Captain desires the thing to be published in his name, he be∣ing ready to justifie it upon any occasion.

Mr. William Moncrief, in Summer last, preaching in the Church of 〈◊〉〈◊〉 in Fife, the first thing he pretended to prove, was, That all his Hearers were Atheists and Reprobates▪ And having demonstrated that, as he said, from

that Psalm on which he lectur'd: He proceeded next to his Sermon on this Text, NOW it the accepted time, now is the day of Salvation▪ on which he said, The Jews had their Now, and the Papists had their Now, but ah now they have no Now, for the Gospel is for ever hid from their Eyes. Scotland, poor Scotland had a gracious Now in the glorious days of the Co∣venant, when Christ was freely forced upon them; but alas, this Land break∣ing the Covenant has brought darkness upon it, for many Years last, but yea God had been pleased at lust to shine through the Cloud of Prelatical, which is worse than Egyptish darkness, and to give us another Now; that is, to of∣fer us again his Covenant, and the Foundation of it, it Gospel, for which ye are all heartily to be thinkful, for this is your Now.

And would ye know now how to express your thankfulness, I'll even tell you now, Ye must do it by banishing out of the Covenanted Land, all the E∣nemies of God, the Prelates, the Curates, and all their Adherents: Ye must not converse with them, but 〈◊〉〈◊〉 them Hip and Thigh ▪ ye must 〈◊〉〈◊〉 the Phi∣listines quite out; ye must hate them, and persecute them, and 〈◊〉〈◊〉 upon 〈◊〉〈◊〉 of Damnation; •• for if ye neglect it now, your Now is past for ever▪ Now, Sirs, ye must not think this strange Doctrine, for I can prove it by plain Scripture, for did not God frequently command his People, to cut off the 〈◊〉〈◊〉 Root and Branch; and did not David positively hate and curse the Profane and Wicked who were God's Enemies▪

But ye'll say to me, Sirs, that Christ desired us to loveour Enemies:

that's true, indeed, but there's no word of God's Enemies there▪ mark that, Beloved; tho' we love out own Enemies, yet we are bound to hate God's Enemies;

that is, all the Enemies of the Covenanted 〈◊〉〈◊〉: This was heard by several Sober and Judicious Persons, who were hearti∣ly sorry to hear the Scriptures so basely perverted, who immediately af∣ter the Sermon wrote down this Account, tent them to me attested un∣der their Hands.

About two Years ago Mr. Shields, who is Chaplain to my Lord Angus's Regiment, being with the said Regiment at the Town of Pe••••••, and hearing that the Colonel to an English Regiment, which had been in that Town the Week before, had made his Chaplain to read the English Ser∣vice upon the Sunday before, in the Church to his Souldiers 〈…〉〈…〉 Shields up∣on this occasion thought to ra•••• nightly again••t the Church of England and its Liturgy; among other things he said, That there was no difference betwixt the Church of England and the Church of Rome, but that the one said Mass in English, and the other in Latin; and that upon the 〈◊〉〈◊〉 they were both indeed equally Idolatrous▪ and ye know, Sirs, that according to God's Law, all Idolaters should be stoned to death▪ Alas▪ all the Water in Tay will not be able to wash away the filth of that Idolatry, with which the Walls of this Kirk was last Sunday defiled▪ ah, the Service Boo•• was 〈◊〉〈◊〉 and 〈◊〉〈◊〉 it smell rank and strong of the old Whore of Babylon.

Mr. Kirkton preaching in his Meeting-house in the Castle-hill of Edin∣burgh adduced several instances of the Poverty of the People of God; a∣mongst others, he had this remarkable one, Brethren, says he, Criticks with their frim frams and whytie whaties, may imagine a hundred reasons for Abraham's going out of the Land of Caldea, but I will tell you what was always my Opinion, I believe Abraham, poor man, was forced to run out of the Land of Judea for Debt.

Another Sunday, before several Gentlemen, who told me the Story so soon as they returned from Church, preaching on the Allsufficiency of God, he told his hearers,

That they might make out of God what they pleased, Hose, Shoes, Cloaths, Meat and Drink, &c. One, says he, may have a good Stock, but he cannot get in out of his Friends hands when he needs it; he must pursue him first before the Lords of the Session; registrat his Bond, get a charge of Horning, and at last take him with Caption; but no man ever needed to registrate God's Bond, or take him with Caption, except Jacob, who took him once with Cap∣tion at the side of a Hill, and he got a broken Leg for his pains.

Once in the monthly Fast-day, I heard him my self discourse to this purpose, after he had read his Text, which if I rightly remember, was, In that day I will not regard their Prayers nor their Tears, &c.

In speak∣ing to these words, says he, I shall shew you five lost Labours, three Opportunities, three Fears, three Woes, three Lamentations, three Prophesies, and a word about poor Scotland: for the three fears, the first is a great fear, and that is, lest this King give us not all our Will. The 2d. is a very great fear, and that is, if we should get all our Will. I fear we should not make good use of it. The 3d fear is the greatest of all, but I must not tell you that fear, Sirs, for fear it should fear you all to hear it.

All the Town knows that this is true, and that he never preaches but after this ridiculous manner.

I heard one Mr. Selkirk in a Sermon he preached in the Church of Inve∣rask. say, Sirs, Drink, Whore, and Debauch, and run red wood through the World; yet, if you have but as much time as take hold of Christ in your last gasp, I shall pawn my Soul for yours. It may seem incredible, that one who ever heard of Christianity, should have used such an expression; but it made such an impression on the Peoples Minds at that time, that I believe there is hardly one of them who have forgot it to this hour; and consequently, all of them will be ready to vindicate the truth of what I here relate.

One preaching in Preston-pans, upon Joshua's making the Sun to stand still, resolving to make a very learned Discourse, began thus, Sirs, says he, you'll may be, ask me how Joshua could make the Sun to stand still? To that I answer, it was by sisting of the motion of Primum Mobile, commonly called the Zodiack-line; but as to the Quomodo, it's no great matter; but that the

Story was true, we have reason to believe from the Heathen Writers; for it was told by them for a, base baudy tale, how Jupiter made a night as long as two, that he might got a longer time to lye with Alemena.

Mr. Arskine in the Tron-Church, preaching on these words, Cry aloud and spare not; told his People, There were three sorts of Cries. There is the cry of the Mouth, says he, Psal. 104. The young Lions roar after their Prey, that is, with their Mouth. The cry of their Feet, I will run the ways of thy Commandments, that is the cry of the Feet: And the cry of the Eye, They looked on him and were lightened; that's the cry of the Eye: If we would go to Heaven, we must not only cry with our Mouth, but likewise with out Hands, Feet, and Eyes.

The same Mr. Arskine said in another Sermon, What, Sirs, if the De∣vil should come with a Drum at his side, saying, Hoyes, hoyes, hoyes, who will go to Hell with me, boys? who will go to Hell with me? The Jacobines would answer, We'll all go, we'll all go.

Mr. James Kirkton, preaching on Jezabel, said, That well-favoured Whore, what became of her, Sirs? she fell over a Window, Arse over Head, and her black bottom was discovered, you may all guess what the Beholders saw, beloved, a black sight you may be sure.

One Mr. Mair, a Presbyterian Preacher, Son to Mr. John Mair, the Episcopal Minister in Towch, being desired by the Father to preach for him; the Son said, He would or could not preach in their Churches, because they were polluted, but was content to preach in a Fire-house. This was pro∣vided for him, and the Company (whereof his Father was one) being convened, he said, I will tell you a sad truth, Sirs, You have been driven to Hell in a Coach this eight and twenty years, and that old Stock, my Fa∣ther (pointing to him) has been the Coachman.

Mr. Kirkton in October last, preaching on Hymns and Spiritual Songs, told the People,

There be four kinds of Songs, Profane Songs, Ma∣lignant, Allowable, and Spiritual Songs, Profane Songs, My Mother sent me to the Well, she had better gone her self, for what I got I dare not tell, but kind Robin loves me. Malignant Songs, such as, He, ho, Gillichrankie, and the King enjoys his own again; against which I have not much to say. 3ly. Allowable Songs, like, Once I lay with another man's Wife: Ye may be allowed, Sirs, to sing this, but I do not say, that ye are allowed to do this, for that's a great deal of danger indeed, Lastly, Spiritual Songs, which are the Psalms of David; but the God∣less Prelates add to these, Glory to the Father, the wrost of all I have yet spoken of.

The same Kirkton, in March the year before that, in a Sermon upon Come into me all ye that are heavy and weary laden; expressed himself thus,

Christ invites none to him but those that have a great burthen of Sins upon their back; ay but, beloved, ye little ken what Christ is to day;

what Crafts-man do you think him now? is there none of you all can tell me that, Sirs? truly then I must e'en tell you; would you ken it now? in a word then, he's a tell you; would you ken it about to day, Have ye any broken Hearts to mend, bring them to me, and I'll soder them; that is, give them Rest, beloved, for that's the words of my Text.

Mr. Arskin, in January last, holding forth in the Tron Church con∣cerning Noah's Ark, said, that the Wolf and the Lamb lodged most peace∣ably together in it; and what do you think was the reason of this, Beloved? you may think it was a strange thing, and so indeed it was, Sirs, but it was done to fufil that Prophecy of Isaiah, Sirs, The Wolf and the Lamb shall lye down together; there's a plain reason now for it, Sirs.

On Sunday, in January last, immediately after the King had recom∣mended to the General Assembly, a Formula, upon the Subscribing whereof, by the Episcopal Presbyters, he desired they might be re-admit∣ted to the publick Exercise of the Ministry, I heard one Mr. Webster, a noted professor of the New Gospel, lecturing upon Psal 15 On the 1st Verse, he said,

That none but God could answer the Psalmist's Que∣stion there, and therefore, said he, it does not belong to any Earthly King, Prince, or Potentate to determine who should be Officers in God's House, or to prescribe Terms of Communion to his Kirk:

On the 2d Verse he said,

That it was necessary for God's People to walk uprightly; that is, said he, never to betray the Cause of Christ's Kirk for sear of great Men: Our way is God's own way; and sure to stand stiff to that, is the best way to please God, and even great Men, at the long run:

On the 3d Verse he appealed to the Consciences of his Hear∣ers,

If Scots Presbyterians were not a holy, harmless, innocent, sin∣cere, modest, and moderate People, and whatever is said to the con∣trary, but Lybels, Lies, and Slanders: On the 4th Verse he said, That the Prelates, Curates, and Malignant Counsellors are the vile persons spoke of there, and whom all the fear God are bound to con∣temn and despise; especially (said he) because they have sworn to the hurt of the Kirk, in taking the Oaths of Allegiance and Suprema∣cy, the Test, and the Oath of Canonical Obedience, and now think to expiate all this, by subscribing a bare foolish Formula, because King William, forsooth, has sent it to us; as if the Presbyterians ought to ad∣mit or allow any Form but the Covenant.

About that same time, I mean, in January last, Mr. Fraser of Bray, at Edenburgh at the new Kirk, pretending to preach upon this Text of the Revelation, There was joy in Heaven, Michael and his Angels fought a∣gainst the Dragon and his Angels:

Michael and his Angels, why no good Christian can doubt, but by this we are to understand Christ and this Kirk; and by the Dragon and his Angels is plainly meant, the Prelates

and Curates: You see from this then, Sirs, betwixt whom this War and this Fighting was in Heaven; and since they fight in Heaven for this Cause of the Kirk, why should not we fight for it also upon Earth? What needs our Kirk be affraid of Kings, they are but men? but we have Christ to fight for us, and we are his, his Angels, and must fight with him till we destroy the Dragon Prelates,

and their Curate Angels.

Ah, Sirs, ye read (says he) that this Dragon's Tail swept down a third part of the Stars of Heaven; I have a sad thing to tell you now, Sirs, Alas, this Dragon's Tail has swept the North of Scotland,

for few or none of Christ Ministers are to be found there.

The same Frazer of Bray preaching at a Conventicle in the beginning of King James his Reign, began his Discourse thus;

I am come here to preach this day, Sirs, in spite of the Curates, and in spite of the Prelates their Masters;

and in spite of the King their Master; and in spite of the Hector of France, his Master; and in spite of the Pope of Rome that's both their Master; and in spite of the Divil that's all their Master.

Notes

• Distaff.
• Beke.
• Large dish.
• Great.
• Hood.
• Trip.
• Knew not.
• A Course.
• Nasty.
• Pulled and haled.
• Clutches▪
• Sound bang.
• Kill.
• Christ∣mass.
• Gay.
• †

  Smock.
• Foolish Wench.
• Hen-peckt men.
• Beats.
• Dwarfie.
• Rifle a Magpies-Nest.
• Pettish.
• †

  Old kind∣ness.
• †

  Wait not.
• Intreat∣ing.
• ‖

  Thin Dung of young Chil∣dren.
• †

  Such.
• †

  Hold.
• †

  Two En∣glish Quarts.
• English Pint.
• †

  Haste.
• Childrens Toyes and Rattles.
• To Flout.
• †

  Know.
• ‡

  Deep Dish.
• †

  A Strong Porrage.
• Breeches.
• †

  Little Children.
• Pu••l.
• †

  Too fami∣liar.
• †

  Child.
• †

  Neat or Cattle.
• †

  Low.
• Whisper.
• ‖ Letters of Arrest∣ment.
• †

  Abscon∣ding.
• Nesty.
• †

  absconding
• Two-pence Half-penny.
• †

  All's not well.
• Mischief doing.
• †

  Thin Dung.
• Christ∣mass.
• †

  Hold.
• Wooden Cups.
• †

  Two Wombs.
• †

  Piece of Money.
• The name of a great River which washes the Walls of that City.
• Trifles.
• Raise on Action be∣fore the Judges, and Arrest him.
• Stark mad.
• Tinkar.